Unreachable
by Anime Girl23
Summary: Amy-centric gapfiller for 2x21 - He’d been on her speed dial since John’s first fever, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that she’d used the speed dial and typed it out manually, he never picked up.


And I bring more fic! This one is more Amy centric than anything, but Ricky's mentioned throughout, so hence the character sorting. As always, reviews are love (and crack)!

** Note:** This is a little gap-filler for 2x21. Set after Amy's breakdown with her mom, but before Ashley tells Amy that she knows where Ricky is.

Disclaimer: Secret Life doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Brenda Hampton. I'm just borrowing the characters. I'm not making any profits off of this.

Unreachable  
One-Shot

_"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system-"_

Amy ended the call, her fingers shaking. She stared at it for a long moment before she threw it, aiming for the wall above her bed. It fell short, hitting her pillows instead of the wall and fell onto her bed unharmed. Ricky's name sat at the top of her recent calls list. He'd been on her speed dial since John's first fever, but that didn't matter. It didn't matter that she'd used the speed dial _and_ typed it out manually, he never picked up. The first three times, it rang to voicemail. By the sixth, she admitted to herself that he'd turned off his phone.

Her breath came in short bursts as she fell back against her wall, head falling back with a hard _thud_. She slid to the floor slowly, arms wrapped around her knees, and her shoulders started to shake as the tears came.

He'd left.

It wasn't that he'd left her, it was that he'd left _them_. He'd left his son and her alone. He wasn't here, he didn't see how John looked around everywhere, searching for him. He wasn't here to hear John screaming for his dada in the middle of the night. John knew he was gone and he missed him.

She told herself over and over again that women did this on their own all the time. Fathers walk away and leave the mothers to take on both roles, but Ricky wasn't supposed to do that. He loved his son, she knew he did. It didn't matter that he didn't love her or that she didn't love him. All that mattered was John and he'd walked away from that.

She hated Ricky for leaving.

She hated Adrian and Ben for having sex and giving him a reason to leave.

She hated herself for saying yes to the kiss and letting this all happen.

She could find another dad for John, but it wouldn't be the same. Ricky was his father. _Ricky_ was his flesh and blood. Ben, Jimmy, they could never be that. They could be his dad, but they'd never be his father.

She rose on shaky feet, moving for her phone again. She pressed _1_, holding her breath as she heard it ring once.

_"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system."_

Something akin to a sob escaped her as the computerized voice said Ricky's number. She didn't hang up before the beep came, just stood there with shuddering breaths for a few seconds before she ended the call.

The words had been halfway up her throat, desperate pleas for him to come home to his son, but she hadn't said a word in all the times she'd called. She couldn't beg him to come back. If he wanted to, he would. She'd told her dad she wouldn't mind being a single mother, but she'd known before she said it that it was a lie. She'd do what she had to for John, she'd give her life for him, but she couldn't be his father. John knew Ricky, had had him in his life since before he was even born. He knew who Ricky was and he was just a baby, he didn't understand where Ricky's gone.

More than anything, she wished she could tell John that Ricky would be home soon.

John began to cry a minute later, screaming cries echoing and breaking her heart as he cried for his dada. She picked him up out of the crib, bouncing him and rubbing his back, but it meant nothing, he cried on.

She forced her eyes closed as she sat in her chair, hiding her face in his Johnson & Johnson scented hair until he cried himself back to sleep. Her lips touched his crown as he lay against her, exhausted, whispering an apology to her baby boy.

He needed Ricky, she knew that, but a part of her, the hurt and betrayed part, told her that even if—when?—he did, she shouldn't let him near John.

_Why let John get attached if he's just going to leave again?_

Her eyes fell to John, looking at his still bright red face, still shiny from tears, and she almost jumped as Ashley came into her room and began to talk. She listened and responded, really only feeling like she was half there.

"He's still tired from day care."

They both knew it was a lie, had both heard him screaming for Ricky.

"I don't tell Dad everything."

"Oh, yeah? What haven't you told him?"

Ashley didn't speak for a second, looking unsure, like she was about to betray something. Amy could almost hear the gears running in her sister's head at warp speed, trying to make a decision and could practically hear them stop as she did.

"I know where Ricky is."

_Why would you do that to your son?_

The End

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